Japanese funeral

Last month, we went to see Ayako's grandmother since she was sick and only had about a month to live (see post here). Unfortunately, she passed away Thursday night. There was a wake at the house on Friday night which Ayako attended and the funeral was on Saturday.

Ayako's grandmother (Yoshiko Odo) had been living with her daughter. The morticians had prepared the body at the house and when we arrived, we entered the room where her body was lying on a futon on the floor. We bowed to the relatives and then lit incense that was in front of her. When everybody had arrived, the mortician guided everybody in a ceremonial preparation of her body for the funeral. Each person helped clean the feet, hands, and face (which surprised me to be as cold as ice). Then close family members put slippers and gloves on to prepare her for the voyage from this earth. Next she was carried downstairs to a casket.

There were about 70 people for the funeral and so a bus was brought to the house to take many of us to the funeral home, while a few people drove their cars. It definitely reduced the number of cars going to the funeral home. The funeral home was very modern, although a traditional Buddhist ceremony was done. The Buddhist monk who led the ceremony was the local monk from the temple near our house where the family's grave site is.

The funeral started off with three monks chanting and playing various musical instruments. I found it a bit boring since you couldn't understand what was being said...er, chanted. Afterwards, each person went in front of the casket to bow to the grandmother and to burn some incense. The last part was gathering the flowers that had been sent to the funeral and each person was allowed to lay flowers beside the body and say a final goodbye. I found that there was much more touching of the body than in a western funeral. The close relatives were touching her face or straightening her hair quite a bit.

We then got on the bus to go to the crematorium. It was about a 20-minute bus ride towards downtown where a very large crematorium is. There were many doors (like elevator doors) where the bodies would go inside. There were enough for 14 cremations to happen at one time. After the Buddhist monk did some chanting and the body was put inside, we were shown to a waiting room where there were snacks and drinks for us. We had to wait 1 ½ hours for the cremation to finish. The body was not reduced to ash, but to brittle bones. The family then gathered around the body and two people at a time moved some of the bones (using chopsticks) into a porcelain container. Once the main bones were done, people were told to use their hand to finish moving the rest of the remains into the container. Again, it was very hands on and many people commented on the bones such as how large her Adam apple was or the dental work that could be seen on her teeth.

After this, we returned to the funeral home with the remains. Usually, there is another ceremony after 3 days and then 7 days. Since many relatives came from far away, it's difficult to hold these ceremonies in modern society, so there were done at this point. Once again, we went to burn incense in front of the remains. After this, we went to a banquet hall in the funeral home for a very large, delicious dinner. When we finished dinner, we were given large bags with many drinks and treats in them, which were to thank us for coming.

Finally, we all returned to the house to relax and have some drinks. In total, it was a 9-hour funeral day. It was interesting for me to watch this for the first time. I could see that by having many times to say goodbye during the ceremonies that people were more cheerful by the end of the day. In the house, the grandmother's daughter found some treats that the grandmother had hidden in her room. It was funny that the treat she hid was dried squid. While that was the end of the funeral, her remains will stay in the house for 49 days, after which, they will have another ceremony when the remains are taken to the family burial at the temple near our house.